Remember your why.
I prepared to step into a court room where I fully expect to be attacked on every level. I knew I would be forced to listen to a twisted version of the truth and have to defend my why. My heart will be exposed and vulnerable because it is about my kids. Anyone who knows me well, knows that all I ever wanted to be is a mother. Not just a mother, but one who is present in her kids lives. I strive to love my children well and raise them to know who they are in Christ. It means everything to me. The downside is that I wear my heart of my sleeve. It is easy for someone with less than pure motivations to use them as a weapon against me.
Sin is senseless and hurts anyone in its path. We come from a broken world, and the product of that is sin. I couldn’t make sense of what was going to happen in the court room and everything that had happened leading up to that point. It is heartbreaking. In the pursuit of control and selfishness, my children become a casualty of this war. A war I never wanted and certainly don’t want to fight. I have avoided the fight as long as possible, but when I was forced into battle, I have no choice but to fight on behalf of my children.
I don’t share this story for sympathy. I share it because it is in moments like these, I have to remember my why. Emotions run high and it is easy to fall prey to defensiveness and to feel justified in retaliation. Sometimes an “eye for an eye” approach to battle sounds appealing. But when I pause and remember my why, I am able to see the battle a bit differently. If I remember that I first and foremost serve a good, loving God. My purpose in this life is to love my children, which I can do because God loved me first. Coming to battle with anything other than God’s truth and love is just meeting sin with sin. It won’t work. I planned to enter the court room armed with truth and love. Love for my kids of course, but also love for the one who is causing all of this pain. Trust me, loving my “enemy” is not natural. In fact, I would say it is impossible. But when I pause to think about the brokenness that brought him to a place where he is capable of hurting his own children, I am able to adjust my thinking. I do pray that my children are protected as an outcome of this battle, but more importantly I hope that grace is poured over their father. So much that there is nothing for him to do but repent and turn his heart to God. It is a seemingly impossible prayer, but I am praying to the God of possibility.
May His goodness and glory prevail! If you are facing a difficult battle today, don’t forget to remember your why and know that God is good… ALL THE TIME.