“But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” Matthew 5:44
A lot of my prayer life lately has been practicing rest in the Lord’s goodness, joy, kindness, forgiveness, etc. Finding the time and the space to connect with the Holy Spirit. It is becoming increasingly more important to me that I spend time trying to understand how God is viewing circumstances in my life. I want to know how He thinks about things. I know how my emotions and thoughts want to react to difficult people and circumstances, but I know God’s perspective is different. Reading about how Jesus interacted with people and situations in the Bible shows me that I have a lot to learn because my default feelings and reactions are in no way similar to how Jesus did things. I am of the belief that Jesus’ way is the right way and the best way.
I had an amazing weekend away with several of my college girlfriends. It had been years since we had the opportunity to connect at this level with no distractions and no interruptions. There were no husbands, no kids, and, when we were at the cabin, no cell phone reception. It was incredible to connect with these incredible women. I learned a lot through our conversations over the course of the weekend. The best news was that each and every one of these women was a Christian and all were growing in their faith. Praise God! But one thing stood out to me as I reflected on the weekend – all of these women were dealing with challenging people in their lives. It included family members, in-laws, people from the past, and spouses. The challenges that some were facing were with un-forgiveness, anger, hurt feelings and resentment.
I too, have been challenged with difficult people in my life. One in particular. Let’s call him my grace grower. In my journey with the Lord, He has started to uncover a different way to think about my grace grower. I think it is a really difficult question – how do you love your enemies? What does that mean? What if this person is emotionally abusing your children or showed no signs of remorse after causing a car accident that could have killed you? What if your in-laws are cruel to you and undermine you in front of your children? What if a trauma has put a huge wall between you and your husband? I mean, anyone could argue that anger in these situations is justified, right? But what does knowing Jesus mean for these circumstances? He dealt with broken people and in most cases would have been justified in being angry, hurt, or resentful of how people wronged him. But that is not what he did. Not at all. He showed example after example of how he loved people who could very easily be classified as his enemies.
This blows my mind! It really does. Through the Holy Spirit we have the ability to see people and circumstances from God’s perspective. The more I experience this incredible gift, the more I crave and the more I pray for those I love to experience it as well. I have so much to learn about who God is for me, but the journey is incredible. Take my grace grower, for example. He is constantly making my life and my kids’ lives difficult. He is emotionally abusive to them and, for now, is allowed time with them to continue these patterns of behavior by the legal system. On so many levels it is wrong and it is certainly hard to watch. I would love to say that I never get angry or judgmental about it. Of course, I do. I am still human. But in my prayer life, I am slowly learning how to think differently about him and the situation. First of all, in my prayer life, God has promised me that my children will be successful and that they will know Jesus. I have complete confidence in that promise. They may have to endure challenges, but I already know the outcome. But what about the love your enemies stuff?
We are all broken. None of us are above sin. We can try to compare sin and say that one person’s sin is worse than another’s, but it really is not. I also try to remember the empathy that we have for children who grow up in unfortunate circumstances – abuse, neglect, trauma, etc. These children do grow up to become adults. A lot of them carry the brokenness of their childhood into adulthood. But as adults we no longer have empathy for them. Finding compassion for the brokenness is not excusing the hurtful behavior, but it does help with understanding. But we are called to “love” not “understand”. That feels like a big jump to me. It’s so easy for me to want my grace grower to experience negative consequences for his behavior. Get what he deserves, if you will. But does that really heal the brokenness? Does that really solve the problem? Jesus solved problems. He healed brokenness. He restored people. I’m sure this not only effected the people themselves, but those who had been hurt by them. The impact of Jesus was so much bigger than what traditional consequences might have been. He had the power to punish people, but that is not what he did. He knew better.
Through Jesus, we have the ability to know better. When we know better, we can do better. That is why I challenge myself to love my grace grower. I pray for him. I pray that he experiences the grace of God or, in other words, the empowering presence of God. I know for a fact that the impact of God’s grace will be far greater than any consequence not only for my grace grower but for my children and everyone else who has been impacted by his abusive choices. I want to think bigger, because God is bigger. God is so good, all the time! I believe God can do the impossible. He’s done it so many times. He can and will do it again. The other very exciting part of this shift in mindset is that it frees me from the anger, un-forgiveness, resentment and hurt. Sure, the circumstances are still difficult, but God’s presence is so strong. It is exciting to see how He will work this miracle. In the meantime, I will keep praying and confidently expecting something amazing!