What if we are only ever challenged by goodness in any circumstance? Think about that for a minute. If you are like me, then typically when you are facing a challenging circumstance you immediately focus on the negative. Maybe you begin praying for the circumstance to change or for it to go away completely. But what if the circumstance itself isn’t really the challenge? What if the challenge is to maintain the positive despite the circumstance?
When I was laid off from my job in 2017, my manager pulled me into the HR office to tell me that I was part of the company downsizing, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I asked if there was anything I could have done to prevent it, and she reassured me that it was not performance related and there wasn’t anything that I could have done differently. Of course my mind immediately started to think about all the things that were going to be affected negatively by this sudden change. I felt horrible. I had devoted my time and energy to this company for over 6 years and this was how it ended. Keep in mind, at this point I was burned out and really didn’t enjoy my job. I was desperately wanting to have more time at home with my family and felt painfully out of balance. As I drove away from the office for the last time, a part of me felt relieved.
At this point I had a decision to make. I could do one of two things. I could choose to focus on all the negatives – my bruised ego, less income, uncertain future, impact on my personal life, loss of benefits, etc… Or, I could focus on the opportunity. I realized something as I pondered this choice. Focusing on the negative would lead me to expect a negative outcome. It would completely limit the possibilities for my future. I would likely end up applying to similar jobs and finding another equally unsatisfying situation in order to ease my fears and uncertainty about the future. But if I took a different approach and focused on the opportunity, then I could confidently expect a good (maybe even great) outcome. I challenged myself to maintain a positive focus despite a seemingly negative circumstance. The really cool part about it is that my confidence keeps increasing exponentially. My excitement for the future was off the chart! It becomes easier to believe in the possibility of something great.
I am not going to pretend that practicing a confident expectation of good is easy. It’s not. I come from a very negative, critical family system. I love my family, but there is a lot of “worst case scenario” thinking. That is a pattern of thinking that I have to challenge on a regular basis. However, the more that I practice keeping my focus on positive thoughts, the easier it is to confidently expect a good outcome. If nothing else, it will make the journey a lot more enjoyable!
How do you start changing your mindset? First I find that it is helpful to acknowledge my initial negative reactions. These negative thoughts can actually be very helpful in identifying where you need to shift your thinking. List them out. Sometimes I can do this in my head, but often it is helpful to write it out. Then ask you self series of “what if” questions. Read through the list and think “what if this is not true?” Write out the answer. What would be different? What would the outcome be if the opposite were true? What would the best possible outcome be for this particular situation? If you dared yourself to hope for something amazing, what would it be? What do you have to be grateful for despite this circumstance?
I realize that these questions are not always very easy to answer when emotions are running high and you feel really lousy, however, give your feelings a chance to calm down and give it a chance. You will start to find a common theme among your answers. This is where you can start to see the good in place of the negative. You will never successfully deal with a negative by focusing on it. You deal with a negative by ignoring it. What better way to ignore it, than to replace it with a positive.
If you are facing a challenging circumstance today, are you willing to consider a new way of thinking? How might your outcome change if you approached the circumstance with a confident expectation of good?